Personally, now I speak less and have become more silent than before. Although I want to share the grief and deep sorrow I am feeling with somebody, I don’t know who to tell. My wife is hardly surviving on her own so I don’t want to give her more anxiety.
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When I was depressed, everything seemed to be wrong. I was sensitive to every little thing. I even cursed my beloved partner and hit her. I broke precious things. Life became unstable and so was the future. I could not predict what the future would hold.
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Sometimes I fall asleep all day without doing anything. When I sleep, I forget everything. When I wake up, I still have to live. So I decided to escape from an environment that doesn't value me. I started to come back to myself.
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I can probably talk to anyone about how horrible the situation in our country is, how innocent citizens are suffering from atrocities, how badly I am worried for my family or all about the problems with my marriage. But I have not told anyone about the guilt I feel for getting you into that bad situation, just because of me.
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How does it feel to be scared? How does it feel to be nervous or sad? Even when people cry out something horrible that has happened in front of me, I find myself standing still and feeling numb.
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