Having a camera in my hand and photographing everything I see is my passion. I am lucky that I have been able to turn my passion into a profession. Before the coup, my partner and I had been dreaming of realizing our passions, moving to the mountainous regions and working together.
On February 1st, 2021, all our dreams were shattered as the military announced the takeover, but my passion never stopped. During the crisis that followed, I constantly took photos of the protests. But that was only for some time; as the situation worsened, journalists were cruelly suppressed by the military. We no longer dared to take photos with cameras but secretly with our mobile phones. From then until the end of 2021, I took the videos and photos at great risk.
When I left Myanmar and landed in another country, I could no longer practice the photography that I loved. Life was no longer fun at all. It became meaningless. Since I did not have a job, I had no income. We had to sell what I had owned and survived in a foreign country. Life had started from scratch again. There were no friends around us. Living in a country where it was even hard to understand the language had gradually become miserable. I could not sleep at night. I could not eat as I usually do. I was losing weight and becoming weak. As an unemployed, I was feeling more and more despaired day by day.
When I was depressed, everything seemed to be wrong. I was sensitive to every little thing. I even cursed my beloved partner and hit her. I broke precious things. Life became unstable and so was the future. I could not predict what the future would hold. My partner got tired of going through the hardships and difficulties of moving from one place to another all the time. But as a person who had been raised from the situation which was even harder than this, I was able to withstand wear and tear. Previously, I could understand her and accepted her tiny faults but in this hard situation, it was impossible for me to tolerate her. I could not find a solution to solve this inexplicable problem in our married life. I knew that I love her so much.
“I married her because I adored her. But when I became so infuriated, I was no longer myself. I turned into a different person. I hit the wall. I broke the television. I even beat her inhumanely. I also hurt myself and laughed out loud. Then I regret. Why did I hurt the person I love?”
I asked myself so many questions and tried to become more conscious. Sometimes I listened to Buddhist sermons and did meditation. I tried to keep myself calm. Later I realized that I was suffering from depression. I knew we should never be careless with our mental health. I went for counseling sessions. I helped myself to find a solution. My partner also received similar therapy and is healing the traumas she has already experienced and the traumas I caused her. I apologized to her. I knew that this should not have happened and that I should not have done this to her.
I am steady now; I do not break things when I am angry anymore. I do not hurt my loved ones anymore. I have done my best to find a way to solve my problems. I have tried to be calm. I have sincerely apologized to her for my mistakes. I have forgiven myself. I have also received forgiveness from her. I have conquered my anger with my love. Now I have found myself. I cannot do anything but continue to work with my camera and take pictures, plus I am learning how to make her smile with beautiful photos. I share my knowledge and skills with the youth and help our community. I am in the process of healing my trauma. I can even control my sudden anger conditionally.
When we face sudden changes in our lives, we often experience unexpected reactions or responses. Childhood traumas can also influence our responses in such situations. However, it is not justifiable/acceptable to physically or emotionally vent your anxiety or anger on another person. It is a very positive aspect that the man in this story realized his mistakes and tried to fix them. People often find it very challenging to change themselves. We cannot change ourselves or our attitude unless we are willing to do so. In this story, it is very inspiring to see that he eventually became aware of himself and took counselling sessions to become a better person. Understanding each other’s needs and compromising are essential in relationships. As human beings, we may make mistakes throughout our lives. It's no surprise that facing reality and correcting mistakes takes a lot of effort, time, and pain. However, if we do not avoid our own mistakes and strive to be better people, it will become a positive environment where we support each other.