Reporting is my profession, which I love and appreciate. I'm satisfied that people see the news I present and get informed. My life, which was normal before the coup, started to become chaotic after the coup. Especially as a reporter, later on I'd write and present only terrible and sad news over and over again.
When the protests in Yangon got worse and worse, the military raided news and media companies, and journalists were also arrested, it was no longer safe for news reporters either. But as a teenager, I wanted to take risks. I wanted to rebel. I didn't like injustice. Later, with the help of my organization, I got to the liberated area and continued to work there. Then the place was no longer safe, and I'd to sneak into the other country without papers under all kinds of risks and difficulties. From that time on, I felt what I did wrong was that I got into this situation because I was sneaky and unsafe. And I didn't dare to go to this new country because I didn't have legal papers. From morning to night, I worked nonstop. My workplace and bedroom were my own world. I barely contacted my family, just to tell them to stay safe, regardless of other rehashing conversations. And I didn't even call my closest friends.
I lost contact with people over a year ago. Personally, I'm not a social person either. I was afraid to get close to people. Even if I'd a problem, I dealt with it alone. One day, when I was driving to work, I'd an accident. Since accidents were rare in my life, that day was a disaster for me. In this case, even though I was the victim, I'd to pay a lot of compensation to another person because I didn't have enough evidence. I was afraid to go to the police to solve the problem because I didn't have a foreigner's ID. Although this case wasn't fair, I couldn't do anything better because of the language barrier. I told my organization about these difficulties. But I didn't get an answer immediately.
I didn't know what to do next. I was so sad that I cried all day. And then I slept. I thought that when I woke up, everything would be forgotten. But it wasn't even solved yet. I knew I'd solve this problem myself. It made me so sad that I'd spent all my money on compensation. But it hurt me even more that I couldn't do anything, even though it wasn't fair at all. The moment the accident happened, I asked the person who caused it if he was okay, without thinking about me. I'm not used to speaking my mind when I've a problem. I've always been like that, because since I was young I'd have to fend for myself to survive. I didn't depend on my family as much. I grew up between my parents' conflicts, so I don't have a strong belief in love and kindness. However, some of my friends helped me, controlled me and encouraged me. I was sad and happy at the same time when friends did favors for me when I got into trouble, while I couldn't talk about it with my family. And after I overcame these problems, I became unhappy at work. My days become meaningless. I feel like the work I value doesn't value me. When my values don't match, I become unhappy and stressed. I don't want to read depressing news anymore. I could no longer bear to read news about people dying, protests, killings by the military, battles, women and children being arrested and tortured every day. Whenever I read such news, I become numb. I don't want to watch or listen to the news anymore.
Sometimes I fall asleep all day without doing anything. When I sleep, I forget everything. When I wake up, I still have to live. So I decided to escape from an environment that doesn't value me. I started to come back to myself. I talk to my friends again. I contact my family more often. I'm going back to trying to work, which I love. I don't have any particular goals at this time. I feel valued when I start working.
Tolerating injustice, even when we know it is unfair, is extremely suffocating. We will despise the situation of being tolerant without making any mistakes. We may also feel guilty or hate ourselves as a result of this situation, believing that we are powerless to help. It is critical that we are self-aware and take care of our mental health. It is not shameful to express our feelings or seek assistance. After such a mentally exhausting period, we must find ourselves by engaging in activities we enjoy or spending time with our loved ones in order to take care of our mental health.