I have been body shamed since I was young, even when people were not using that term yet. Maybe people didn’t know better. But my youth was destroyed by words - the words that people said to me without even knowing themselves. 

I spent my teenage years, and beyond, embarrassed by my own appearance. I am a tall girl with a large bone structure and a big round face. Plus, I have curly hair and brown skin. I was, and still am, definitely not a 'girly' girl as my relatives, my neighbors and older people around me expect me to be. I was born that way in a society that thinks girls should be small and slender, and that light skin is beautiful. 

Ever since I was young, whenever they see me the same exact words come out:"You have become a fatty!" Like….Every. Single. Time. 

The light festival in Myanmar used to be the scariest time because in Myanmar tradition, younger people have to go to elders' houses and pay respect. I knew that every single one would call me fat once I entered their houses. Every year passed with these comments. 

I knew that I was a big person, and being fat and big is different. But as an introvert, I couldn't speak up. I absorbed those negative words and was embarrassed.

When I was 15, I had a huge crush on a boy in my class and I couldn't hide it. One time, his friends tried to tease him when I passed by and I accidently heard him say, "No, not with this ugly one." 

I avoided mirrors after that. I even hated the reflection of myself. I tried to hide myself by sitting in the chair in the corner of the classroom. I also avoided reunions after I graduated.

Losing weight and using skin whitening products became a lifestyle for me until my 20s. I lived in fear of being called 'ugly' or 'fat.’ I forced myself to fit into a society that didn't accept me for who I am. I used to live with so many worries of what people would think of me if I stopped trying.

Living was hard until I could finally embrace my true self and decide to leave the past in the past. I learned to love myself. I learned to not let any more toxic people in my life. I learned to know that abilities are more important than beauty. 

People, especially my relatives and my old neighbors, still greet me with: "Hey…look how fat you are!" But I am not the same girl anymore. I don't absorb those words anymore. I reply to them with a smile, saying: "Of course," then I walk away. I don't give them the satisfaction they want: to see me insulted. 

I know I am loved, I am happy, and I am worthy. I have come this far. Slowly. 

I am never going back to that weak person, living with other people’s comments. 

I am shining.