Childhood trauma is something I think many LGBT+ people have experienced. Some people experience more wounds, and some people experience less. 

As far as I can remember, I was in the third or fourth grade, around the age when we started going to tuition.

I was young, soft spoken, and had a lot of girlfriends. What happened was, my teacher’s husband was a veteran and he wanted me to fit into his mold. He said males should be strong and tough. In front of the tuition place was Dawei Hmaing garden.  He always sat in that garden so whenever I passed through there I always got bullied by him in front of other students; I was beaten with a stick and scolded for not walking like a man. That incident was funny for other students but I got a severe trauma from it. The trauma was so bad for me that I couldn’t even stand near the flowers that were in the Dawei Hmaing garden. As I get older, I have gotten more used to it, but in my mind I am still weak.

I was still bullied verbally even when I became an adult.

I had to pass a tea shop to get to school. If you didn’t want to walk in front of it, you had to take a road that is twice as far. If I walked past the shop, the waiters and customers would start laughing at me and say: “The gay one is coming.” When I was with my friends, I was not afraid, but when I was alone, I chose the other path. I dared to walk in front of the tea shop in my third year of university but in my first and second years, I definitely didn’t dare to pass the tea shop by myself. Sometimes, this kind of thing means nothing to others, but to me it was like a whole world.

Later on I learnt that I was not alone, and I asked myself, “Why do I have to live their way?” I decided to live life on my own and started to ignore other people’s opinions. In the past, I had to think through everything I was going to do. For instance, I had to consider if a particular job would be possible with my personality and identity. The first time I worked in a hotel, I had to act in a way that I was not used to. I felt that it was only a matter of time before people found out. I was always embarrassed and scared because of my insecurities.

One thing is for sure, people oppress you automatically if you are from the LGBT+ community. They underestimate me, so I have to prove them wrong through my actions and words. 

It has been difficult, but it pays off. Even if you are straight, you will not be respected if you do not respect other people. No matter who you are, if you are a good person, people will respect you. It all depends on you. Keep doing what you have to do, everyone has their own lives to live.