That day, many soldiers came to my house with rifles. They were holding guns and ordered everyone to leave the house. I was extremely distressed because I was working for the news media. When the soldiers arrived at my house I put away my laptop and phones. I was so scared - what if I was arrested? What would I do next? Would I die during the interrogation?

Fortunately, the day they came to my house to investigate, they did not find anything suspicious. But since that day, I have not been able to sleep well. I felt so scared and overwhelmed thinking about when they would come back, and what day I would be arrested if I went out. I was scared like a child thinking about how long I would be able to hide like this. I did not dare to go out. I avoided people. Every day I lived in my little room. I couldn’t breathe when I heard the soldiers’ gunshots. When the military vehicles patrolled the neighbourhood at night, the lights had to be turned off and we kept silent.

On the day of the violent nationwide protests, when many people were killed by the military, soldiers came into our streets and fired. When I heard the unceasing gunfire, I hid lying down on the kitchen floor. Every night the soldiers' vehicles drove through our streets. I was terrified of seeing the soldiers. I was afraid of their footsteps and also of the noise of their vehicles. I felt suffocated when I wrote the news about Mya Thwe Thwe Khaing, who was shot and killed in the protests in Nay Pyi Taw; Kyal Sin who was shot and died in Mandalay; and Nyi Nyi Aung Htet Naing who was killed in the strike in Hle Dan.

Some of my colleagues are in liberated areas, others are abroad, and some are still in the country continuing to work in hiding. Some of my closest colleagues are in prison. We were separated and lost contact. People doubted each other and I felt scared when I received calls from unknown numbers.

Actually, I have had these fears since childhood. My father used to beat my mother. He also beat his children. He scolded and provoked our neighbours. A person who has grown up in such an abusive household for decades will easily become afraid of the violence of soldiers, as if he were still a child.

The soldiers not only arrested the youth but also the elderly, and beat them. They also tortured them both mentally and physically. They even sexually abused them. When I heard that they murder them too, I could no longer stand to live under their authority. I became very scared. I lived in mortal fear. I tried to escape from this fearful environment. I tried my best, and finally escaped.

Yet still I am not free. Fears from my childhood are still there like a shadow. Sometimes I have nightmares. Sometimes I am afraid of people. Sometimes I feel small like a child when I am afraid of these things. However, I still believe that one day I will gradually heal these traumas...